In the ongoing saga that is our financial state, Adam's new "full-time" job is only working him 1-2 days a week, and now something's happened to unemployment and it's not covering what we're missing in paychecks.
Adam called the unemployment office, but due to "high volume" it could be 2-3 weeks before they call him back.
So we are faced with the situation I dreaded: a month of trying to get by on my paychecks alone. My hope is that my financial aid refund hits our account by the end of August. If it doesn't, I don't know what we'll do, and I can't worry about that right now. I just have to think about the next 4 weeks.
So bills are being pushed off to the last minute. I might even have to use the credit card for one, which would max it back out again, but it's better than having my lights shut off. I'm working from home 1 day a week to save gas. I might even bunk with a friend in Nashville a few times to save gas as well.
Our grocery money is bare bones. It's so bare bones I'm going to attempt to make my own tortilla wheat wraps & Greek Yogurt. I'll let you know how it turns out.
But with all those changes (& some long prayers), we should make it. It's not going to be pretty, but as long as I have God & a plan, I can get through it.
So swimming money was kind of out of the question this week. But Spidey was with us for the weekend, and we had already promised him we'd go swimming. When Adam tried to explain we didn't have the money, Spidey wanted to use his piggy bank money. That really made me sad & determined to find the few dollars needed to swim.
So we went swimming this morning & had a good time.I also made it to the library to swap out my Yoga DVD with another one & a walking DVD. Then I got home & crashed for a 3-hour nap, and I feel a LOT better.
In other news, nothing exciting is going on (and I'm kind of grateful for that). Adam's still trying to find a part-time job for when college starts in 4 weeks (he'll be working a little more than he is now, plus he'll actually know what hours he is working before he gets there each night).
Spidey starts 1st grade next week. He'll meet his teacher on Wednesday & the first full day is Friday (weird, right?). I'm nervous about how he will adjust to the more rigid classroom & slightly longer day. He's been doing really well lately. He's been behaving himself at the babysitter's, and he's really enjoying playing the Wii with me as a reward for good behavior.
And school for me starts in 4 weeks. I'm a little nervous about it. I'm not looking forward to the crazy schedule I'm going to have Sept-Dec. There are going to be some long days. I've also got to push through some of my therapy work before school starts, because I'll have to cut down my visits with my therapist to accomodate classes.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
6 Weeks? I can't believe it!
I've been riding this train for 6 weeks now.
I'm a queen procrastinator & known for my ability to not stick with anything longer than two weeks. New hobbies, interests, and food/exercise changes are the worst offenders.
Since college, I've made some effort to lose weight, but as soon as life got tough and I got stressed, the new lifestyle high-tailed it and I indulged in what I like to call "cupcake therapy". And I had no desire to pick things up & start again. I'd give up. And this usually happened over the course of...you guessed it, 2 weeks.
But this time, I'm still going strong at 6 WEEKS. I haven't been a saint or anything during this time. A dipped Dairy Queen cone, some Cocoa Pebbles, quite a few servings of mashed potatoes, Wallaby Darneds from Outback, and a few sodas are the immediate items that come to mind. There's also been stress...my husband's continuing unemployment and housework saga, ex-wives, work, school.
The amazing thing about it all is that I didn't indulge in the sugary foods BECAUSE of the stress. I had them because I wanted to. And even more importantly, I had them in moderation.
Therapy is a beautiful thing when you find the RIGHT therapist & you listen to them :) When I'm anxious or scared or angry or sad, I pull out my notebook instead of junk food and I write.
I feel like things are changing in my life. So many cool things are on the horizon, but I've got to work to get there.
I suspect that some of the tiredness I'm experiencing is coming from my carb ratio. If I keep my carbs closer to 55%, I feel better, but 50% or lower and I have a real dip in energy. I spread them out through the day, and they are not processed carbs, so I know that's not it. I'm insulin resistant, so you would think the less carbs the better, right?
Still, 55% is a good ratio compared to the 70-80% carbs I was eating before I was diagnosed with IR. It looks like the weight is still coming off, and I have a lot more energy & better moods than I did 6 weeks ago.
I'm a queen procrastinator & known for my ability to not stick with anything longer than two weeks. New hobbies, interests, and food/exercise changes are the worst offenders.
Since college, I've made some effort to lose weight, but as soon as life got tough and I got stressed, the new lifestyle high-tailed it and I indulged in what I like to call "cupcake therapy". And I had no desire to pick things up & start again. I'd give up. And this usually happened over the course of...you guessed it, 2 weeks.
But this time, I'm still going strong at 6 WEEKS. I haven't been a saint or anything during this time. A dipped Dairy Queen cone, some Cocoa Pebbles, quite a few servings of mashed potatoes, Wallaby Darneds from Outback, and a few sodas are the immediate items that come to mind. There's also been stress...my husband's continuing unemployment and housework saga, ex-wives, work, school.
The amazing thing about it all is that I didn't indulge in the sugary foods BECAUSE of the stress. I had them because I wanted to. And even more importantly, I had them in moderation.
Therapy is a beautiful thing when you find the RIGHT therapist & you listen to them :) When I'm anxious or scared or angry or sad, I pull out my notebook instead of junk food and I write.
I feel like things are changing in my life. So many cool things are on the horizon, but I've got to work to get there.
I suspect that some of the tiredness I'm experiencing is coming from my carb ratio. If I keep my carbs closer to 55%, I feel better, but 50% or lower and I have a real dip in energy. I spread them out through the day, and they are not processed carbs, so I know that's not it. I'm insulin resistant, so you would think the less carbs the better, right?
Still, 55% is a good ratio compared to the 70-80% carbs I was eating before I was diagnosed with IR. It looks like the weight is still coming off, and I have a lot more energy & better moods than I did 6 weeks ago.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday Weigh-In & Thoughts - July 26th Edition
So this week's weight is definitely better. I'd still like to see a few more ounces lost, maybe settling around a 1.5, 1.6lb a week average loss, but any loss is always cause for celebration.
But holy inch-loss Batman! 7.5 inches in 2 WEEKS, with a total 15.5 inches lost in a month! Now THAT makes me happy.
People are starting to notice the weight loss. My pants feel looser. My belly no longer pooches out my shirt, the shirts just hang loosely :)
Food - Based on SparkPeople's assessment with an average cardio of 45 mins a day, 6 days a week, I should be consuming a caloric range of 1,590 - 1,940 a day. My past 7-day calorie range has been mostly mid- to higher levels with that range, which could explain why I didn't lose a little more.
So upping my calories? Did help, but I need to tweak a bit more to see the results I want.
Exercise - Upped the treadmill workout to 45 minutes, and switched up my intervals so I'm doing more at 2.5mph than I am at 2mph. Now I'm sweating like I did when I first started this party.
I started a Yoga DVD. In just 3 rounds of the full workout, I can see results with better balance and slightly more flexibility. The Yoga lady is a little New-Agey though, talking about third-eyes and heart space, which is a little disturbing.
Hey, I'm not judging, if that's what keeps you sane & gives you peace, then you're better off than most of the people in this world. But that's just not my thing, and it's really hard to focus rolling around on the floor with her when she sounds like she's high on something.
I was supposed to do 36 laps during Saturday's swim, but I stopped at 24. I wanted to spend a half-hour goofing around in the pool instead of being focused on laps. Sure, I want to lose weight, but I also want to have fun while doing it, and if all I do is focus on laps all the time, I'm going to get bored with it. And I can burn a lot of calories treading water!
Mood & Energy - So I figured out where the lack of energy was coming from. I upped my calories this past week and I had energy to spare. It was hard to sit still for long periods of time. I even spent some of the weekend cleaning. Usually my weekends are spent on the couch catching up on seasons of Rescue Me on Netflix.
The mood is OK. I'm not super-duper happy, but I'm OK. There are still some stressors going on. I'm writing some hard letters in therapy. Adam's new job keeps having to send him home because there's no work for him, and I'm worried about how that affects his unemployment. School for Spidey starts in a week, and school for Adam & I starts in about a month.
Upcoming week:
This is the TOM week for me, so I'm not looking forward to the water-weight gain later this week or the moodiness. Just need to push on through & not give in too much to carb cravings, or I'll feel even worse.
Calories: 1,590 - 1,790 (lets aim for the lower half of the range SparkPeople is giving me & see what happens)
Treadmill: 45 mins 3 days (M,W,F)
Week of 7/26: 6.5 incline, 3mins @ 2.5mph & 2 mins @ 2mph intervals
Old Tae-Bo tape/Yoga DVD combo: 50 mins 2 days (Tu,Th - Yoga also on Sun)
Week of 7/26: Beginner
Swimming: 2 hours 1 day (Sat)
Week of 7/26: 32 laps, 4 sets of 8 (2 freestyle/crawl, 2 backstroke, 2 breast stroke, 2 paddleboard)
Resistance Training: 30 mins 2 days (Sun, Th)
Situps, Push-ups, Leg Lifts, Lunges, Chair pull-ups, Skater squats, Bridges, Arm exercises with 2lb weights
Week of 7/26: 2 sets 15
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Why I Am Doing This Part II - The Anxiety Rat
Part I is here.
So the other reason I'm doing this weight-loss thing has to do with finally being mentally prepared enough to tackle this issue.
After one unsuccessful marriage & the 2nd one quickly going down the tubes, I knew I had to do something. I've suffered from depression for years, and last year I was heading even deeper into that hole. I felt lost and alone. I suffered from extreme anxiety. To use a metaphor from Stephen King's "Cell"...I didn't have a panic rat gnawing around my brain, I had an anxiety rat chewing away.
In desperation for SOMETHING to change, I decided to try a therapist.
Our first visit began with me basically saying I was at the end of my rope with my marriage, my job, and my life. That I needed help with all of those.
Dr. Liz (my therapist) started me on my childhood history and basically said all my issues had to do with some events that occured in my life that I'm not quite ready to share with the world yet (though if you're a friend & you want to shoot me an email, I might share, but please don't be offended if I don't).
I, of course, had "processed" those issues and they were long dead and buried. I didn't really want to drudge them up again, but like I said, I was desperate. I hemmed and hawwed around the subject for a few months, until my grandfather suddenly passed away. Based on Dr. Liz's suggestion, I wrote him a letter to express my feelings & say goodbye & placed it with him before the funeral. That letter helped me process my grief in a huge way that I'd never experienced before.
From that point on, I knew I needed to trust her.
It's now been a year & 3 months since I started seeing her, and I am in such a different place than I was a year ago. I've had to journal, do workbooks, pray, read books, and write letters expressing my emotions.
You see, I have numerous issues. I've always had trouble expressing emotion and feelings. I've felt insecure & unworthy with everyone in my life, and I've let those insecurities dictate my opinions, my life & my marriages. I'd basically become a shell of a person with no opinions or anything of my very own.
How does this tie into my weight problems? Well, being insecure about myself was one reason I packed on the pounds. Fat timid people tend to blend in with the crowd. All of my emotions & feelings were processed with food, carbs in particular. I didn't feel worthy, so I thought "What's the point?" when it came to my weight. Who cared about me, so why should I care about myself?
Most importantly, I felt like a monster inside. I hated myself. I felt like someone no one could ever love, especially if they knew my deep dark secrets. If I surrounded the monster with a layer of fat, then maybe no one would get close enough to figure me out & expose the beast. I had bottled up 20 years worth of anger, hurt, & insecurity under that fat.
But I don't want to be that way any more. It was a comfort, to wrap myself in a layer of self-pity & fat. It was the only way I knew how to cope with my problems. But now things are different.
I've sunk to my lowest low and I'm moving on up to the prize of being emotionally healthy. I'm not there yet. I still have a lot of work to do. But I feel better about myself and now that I'm on the path to emotional healthiness, it's time to get physically fit as well.
I'm determined to make my 30s a lot happier and healthier than my 20s.
So the other reason I'm doing this weight-loss thing has to do with finally being mentally prepared enough to tackle this issue.
After one unsuccessful marriage & the 2nd one quickly going down the tubes, I knew I had to do something. I've suffered from depression for years, and last year I was heading even deeper into that hole. I felt lost and alone. I suffered from extreme anxiety. To use a metaphor from Stephen King's "Cell"...I didn't have a panic rat gnawing around my brain, I had an anxiety rat chewing away.
In desperation for SOMETHING to change, I decided to try a therapist.
Our first visit began with me basically saying I was at the end of my rope with my marriage, my job, and my life. That I needed help with all of those.
Dr. Liz (my therapist) started me on my childhood history and basically said all my issues had to do with some events that occured in my life that I'm not quite ready to share with the world yet (though if you're a friend & you want to shoot me an email, I might share, but please don't be offended if I don't).
I, of course, had "processed" those issues and they were long dead and buried. I didn't really want to drudge them up again, but like I said, I was desperate. I hemmed and hawwed around the subject for a few months, until my grandfather suddenly passed away. Based on Dr. Liz's suggestion, I wrote him a letter to express my feelings & say goodbye & placed it with him before the funeral. That letter helped me process my grief in a huge way that I'd never experienced before.
From that point on, I knew I needed to trust her.
It's now been a year & 3 months since I started seeing her, and I am in such a different place than I was a year ago. I've had to journal, do workbooks, pray, read books, and write letters expressing my emotions.
You see, I have numerous issues. I've always had trouble expressing emotion and feelings. I've felt insecure & unworthy with everyone in my life, and I've let those insecurities dictate my opinions, my life & my marriages. I'd basically become a shell of a person with no opinions or anything of my very own.
How does this tie into my weight problems? Well, being insecure about myself was one reason I packed on the pounds. Fat timid people tend to blend in with the crowd. All of my emotions & feelings were processed with food, carbs in particular. I didn't feel worthy, so I thought "What's the point?" when it came to my weight. Who cared about me, so why should I care about myself?
Most importantly, I felt like a monster inside. I hated myself. I felt like someone no one could ever love, especially if they knew my deep dark secrets. If I surrounded the monster with a layer of fat, then maybe no one would get close enough to figure me out & expose the beast. I had bottled up 20 years worth of anger, hurt, & insecurity under that fat.
But I don't want to be that way any more. It was a comfort, to wrap myself in a layer of self-pity & fat. It was the only way I knew how to cope with my problems. But now things are different.
I've sunk to my lowest low and I'm moving on up to the prize of being emotionally healthy. I'm not there yet. I still have a lot of work to do. But I feel better about myself and now that I'm on the path to emotional healthiness, it's time to get physically fit as well.
I'm determined to make my 30s a lot happier and healthier than my 20s.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday Weigh-In & Thoughts - July 19th Edition
So I'm a little confused & irritated by the scale this morning. It's showing a 1lb gain for this past week. I'm now at 239.5. I've been trying to figure out WHY and I still can't come up with a clear-cut answer.
Food - I stayed within my 1500-1800 calorie range. My carb ratio was fine, though my fats & proteins were a little off. Even though my carb ratio was OK, I didn't do as well in the types of carbs I consumed. This was definitely a mashed potates, rolls, & cereal kind of week. I even broke down and drank a soda on Saturday night...my first one in a month.
Perhaps all the sugary carb consumption led to a little water retention?
Exercise - I was on the treadmill 3 days for 30mins each with the 2.5/2mph intervals at a 5.5 incline. I did 2 20-minute calisthenic workouts of push-ups, sit-ups, etc. I also had my regular 2-hour swim on Saturday. I did skip 2 days of treadmill work because I've been having some back pain & I hoped resting a bit would help.
I was also really tired this week. I'm usually eager for my lap swimming, but it was a struggle to get it done. I also slept for almost 12 hours Saturday night.
Maybe the extra calisthenics workout helped build a little muscle? Maybe my body is becoming more efficient at burning calories with the exercises I am doing?
Mood - It was a crummy & stressful week. We had issues with unemployment, ex-wives, jobs, etc. I hit a low point on Sunday that I haven't seen in over a month.
Sundays are usually low days for my mood, though they have been improving thanks to therapy & the exercise. But yesterday was just awful. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything. I felt tired but not sleepy, bored but not sure what to do, and just plain BLAH. And I also felt like tearing up at any moment, though I wasn't depressed about anything.
The stress & crummy feelings probably led to the sugar cravings. But I tried to be careful with those cravings & indulge when I needed to, but stay within my ratio & calorie limits, so I'm not sure what would've caused the problem.
So could stress have halted the weight-loss?
As you can see, I have suspicions, but nothing that fully explains it. To truly have gained a pound, I would've had to been off my calorie deficit by 1500 almost every day. There is no way that could've happened.
So it sounds like a combination of water-retention & building muscle.
Regardless, I've got to push on. This week I'm laying off the mashed potatoes & rolls (& no more sodas).
Here's hoping next week brings better results.
Calories: 1500-1800
Treadmill
30 mins 3 days
Week of 7/19: 6 incline, 2-2.5mph intervals (M,W,F)
Old Tae-Bo tape (just to mix it up)
30 mins 2 days
Week of 7/19: Beginner
Yoga Stretch DVD (just to mix it up)
30 mins 2 days
Week of 7/19: Beginner
Swimming
2 hours 1 day
Week of 7/19: 36 laps, 12 freestyle, 12 backstroke, 10 paddleboard
Resistance Training
Situps (l,m,r)
Push-ups (floor,wall)
Leg Lifts (f,b,s,both)
Lunges
Chair pull-ups
20 mins 2 days
Week of 7/19: 2 sets 10
I'm also going to try weighing in daily. Maybe getting used to seeing fluctuations due to water retention & such (but with a downward trend) will help cut out the stress & anticipation of the weekly weigh-in.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Purple Toes - Mini-Goal #1 Reward
Adam was offered a job at a temporary staffing agency. So we don't have to worry about the extension for ourselves, though I still hope it passes for the families that desperately need it. The job hunt is not getting any easier.
Downsides to the job? He'll be making exactly the same amount he was in unemployment, so we'll have to continue to walk that careful line of $12 account balances until one of us gets paid.
The bigger problem is that it's second shift, 3-11:30pm. This is a HUGE problem. Spidey, my 7 year-old stepson, has an autistic spectrum disorder, and because of his behavior, it's extremely difficult to find babysitters that are willing to take him for long periods of time. Daycares won't take him because of the disorder. And because Adam won't be making any more money, we can't pay anyone.
So this is going to be a struggle. Adam HAD to take the job or lose unemployment. We're going to try to come up with a plan that has Spidey going to different family members different days of the week to make it less stressful for everyone.
I don't know what's going to happen when college starts at the end of August. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, as long as this temp job holds out for at least 6 weeks, we should be OK.
This has not been a horrible week, but it's not been a great one either. There have been fights & letters written for therapy, crazy exes, anxiety, anger, and lots of fear.
But while I normally would be hitting up "cupcake therapy" for moments like these, I've been staying on plan this week. The food hasn't been quite as healthy, and there have been more mashed potatoes & rolls than I should probably have, but I'm hitting my calorie range & ratios. I exercised Tues, Wed, & Thurs, but I skipped today because I've been having some nagging back pain between my shoulder blades & I wanted to rest a day before my swim.
In honor of hitting my first mini-goal last Monday, I decided to buy some cheap $2 flip-flops & some nail polish & paint my nails.
I can count on my hands the number of times I've painted my nails before. It's tedious and I've never been much of a girly-girl type.
Dropping a bottle of nail polish on my new white "everyday" shoes yesterday did not help my mood, either.
But I decided to stick it out. I got another bottle of polish & spent a surprisingly enjoyable night on my nails.
They didn't turn out too bad for my first attempt in years.
I can't see myself doing this every week. But maybe once or twice a month. I can buy a cheap bottle of polish here and there, and probably come up with a decent collection. I tend to gravitate towards funkier colors, like blues & purples, but some pinks every now and then aren't out of the question.
After the week I've had, I'm hoping tomorrow's swim helps relax me enough to enjoy the weekend.
Downsides to the job? He'll be making exactly the same amount he was in unemployment, so we'll have to continue to walk that careful line of $12 account balances until one of us gets paid.
The bigger problem is that it's second shift, 3-11:30pm. This is a HUGE problem. Spidey, my 7 year-old stepson, has an autistic spectrum disorder, and because of his behavior, it's extremely difficult to find babysitters that are willing to take him for long periods of time. Daycares won't take him because of the disorder. And because Adam won't be making any more money, we can't pay anyone.
So this is going to be a struggle. Adam HAD to take the job or lose unemployment. We're going to try to come up with a plan that has Spidey going to different family members different days of the week to make it less stressful for everyone.
I don't know what's going to happen when college starts at the end of August. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, as long as this temp job holds out for at least 6 weeks, we should be OK.
This has not been a horrible week, but it's not been a great one either. There have been fights & letters written for therapy, crazy exes, anxiety, anger, and lots of fear.
But while I normally would be hitting up "cupcake therapy" for moments like these, I've been staying on plan this week. The food hasn't been quite as healthy, and there have been more mashed potatoes & rolls than I should probably have, but I'm hitting my calorie range & ratios. I exercised Tues, Wed, & Thurs, but I skipped today because I've been having some nagging back pain between my shoulder blades & I wanted to rest a day before my swim.
In honor of hitting my first mini-goal last Monday, I decided to buy some cheap $2 flip-flops & some nail polish & paint my nails.
I can count on my hands the number of times I've painted my nails before. It's tedious and I've never been much of a girly-girl type.
Dropping a bottle of nail polish on my new white "everyday" shoes yesterday did not help my mood, either.
But I decided to stick it out. I got another bottle of polish & spent a surprisingly enjoyable night on my nails.
They didn't turn out too bad for my first attempt in years.
I can't see myself doing this every week. But maybe once or twice a month. I can buy a cheap bottle of polish here and there, and probably come up with a decent collection. I tend to gravitate towards funkier colors, like blues & purples, but some pinks every now and then aren't out of the question.
After the week I've had, I'm hoping tomorrow's swim helps relax me enough to enjoy the weekend.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Extensions - Helping Us Survive
Today, I had a rare moment of productiveness & overall content with myself & my life. I'm losing weight. I have energy & feel well. The family & the cats are as healthy as they can be. I was being productive at work. School is going to start soon.
It's amazing how 10 minutes can change that & send you spiraling back into a world of stress.
If this Senate unemployment extension bill doesn't pass, Adam will be completely cut off from unemployment checks at the end of July. He has had no luck finding work, and we only barely survive with those checks. If the extension doesn't go through, there are going to be some dark times in August. Like, calling companies & begging them to let us pay them the August bills with the September ones. Or me staying in Nashville all week long, every week, to save on gas money. And even that won't be enough.
I know our country has a large deficit. I know most everyone is struggling. But unless you are in this sinking ship of despair that has the floors of layoffs, swamped unemployment offices, and 500 applicants for every minimum wage job, it's hard to realize just how hard some people have it through no fault of their own, or how much it is a struggle for those people to try to make their lives better.
I've heard people say that we shouldn't pass the extension, but I have a feeling none of those people are receiving unemployment.
We do have a bit of hope. If we can get through August, we should be OK. But at this point, I just don't know if we'll get there.
I feel frustrated, uncertain, loss of control, scared, and weary, and I know Adam feels the same. These are the hard moments, not only for us in general, but for my attempts at changing the way I live. These are the times that make me want to reach for sugary cereals and "cupcake therapy". These are the times I feel exhausted and tired and think "I'm just going to eat a few extra calories today" or "I'm just going to skip exercising today". These are the times I self-medicate with food & self-pity & sleep. These are the times where I fall off my plan.
But I can't this time. I've gone through too much to do that again. We've gone through too much for that to happen.
It's a scary situation, and all we can do is have him continue to fill out applications, give the worry to God, & wait.
We are trying so hard to change our lives for the better, and there just seem to be so many obstacles in our way. I know we've been blessed with having what we need for survival, and that others are worse off. But we've been playing this game of financial survival for years, and for once, I really just want to skip this turn and not have to draw a Chance card.
(As a side note, I find it humorous that the two subjects I rarely discuss are religion & politics, and here they are in the same entry. Heh. I'm closing comments for this one, because neither is open for discussion for me. I have my views, you have yours. They may be different, and that's OK, but let's just leave it at that, shall we?)
It's amazing how 10 minutes can change that & send you spiraling back into a world of stress.
If this Senate unemployment extension bill doesn't pass, Adam will be completely cut off from unemployment checks at the end of July. He has had no luck finding work, and we only barely survive with those checks. If the extension doesn't go through, there are going to be some dark times in August. Like, calling companies & begging them to let us pay them the August bills with the September ones. Or me staying in Nashville all week long, every week, to save on gas money. And even that won't be enough.
I know our country has a large deficit. I know most everyone is struggling. But unless you are in this sinking ship of despair that has the floors of layoffs, swamped unemployment offices, and 500 applicants for every minimum wage job, it's hard to realize just how hard some people have it through no fault of their own, or how much it is a struggle for those people to try to make their lives better.
I've heard people say that we shouldn't pass the extension, but I have a feeling none of those people are receiving unemployment.
We do have a bit of hope. If we can get through August, we should be OK. But at this point, I just don't know if we'll get there.
I feel frustrated, uncertain, loss of control, scared, and weary, and I know Adam feels the same. These are the hard moments, not only for us in general, but for my attempts at changing the way I live. These are the times that make me want to reach for sugary cereals and "cupcake therapy". These are the times I feel exhausted and tired and think "I'm just going to eat a few extra calories today" or "I'm just going to skip exercising today". These are the times I self-medicate with food & self-pity & sleep. These are the times where I fall off my plan.
But I can't this time. I've gone through too much to do that again. We've gone through too much for that to happen.
It's a scary situation, and all we can do is have him continue to fill out applications, give the worry to God, & wait.
We are trying so hard to change our lives for the better, and there just seem to be so many obstacles in our way. I know we've been blessed with having what we need for survival, and that others are worse off. But we've been playing this game of financial survival for years, and for once, I really just want to skip this turn and not have to draw a Chance card.
(As a side note, I find it humorous that the two subjects I rarely discuss are religion & politics, and here they are in the same entry. Heh. I'm closing comments for this one, because neither is open for discussion for me. I have my views, you have yours. They may be different, and that's OK, but let's just leave it at that, shall we?)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Monday Weigh-In & Thoughts - July 12th Edition
So I had a 3lb loss this week, currently 238.5lbs, a loss of 14.5lbs overall. I'm pretty excited about that. Lost some inches too, particularly in my waist & hips. My calves & arms gained a little in size, but I'm thinking that has to do with some muscle build-up through the inclined treadmill & swimming.
I have a lot to celebrate today concerning this craziness. As of Saturday, I've officially been doing this for a month. That's twice as long as most previous attempts. I'm hopeful that it's sticking this time.
The second awesome moment is the change in BMI, which means I've met my first mini-goal. I've moved from Class 3 Obesity to Class 2. While I don't entirely trust the BMI measure, I do think it's a good rule of thumb to go by and it's nice to be in a different category.
I've created about 10 mini-goals dispersed between my 1st big goal of 175lbs by my 30th birthday (May 20th) and my 2nd one of 150lbs by Sept. 3rd, 2011. The next mini-goal coming up is the 25lbs loss mark, which will be at 228lbs.
There were some challenges this week:
1) Gift Card from Outback: I checked out the menu ahead of time to figure out what I wanted, and we went on my swim day, which is a big calorie burn day and a day I don't mind eating a few extra calories.
I did well until I decided to have a couple "Wallaby Darned" drinks. These were FABULOUS. I even took the planned cheesecake home because those drinks more than satisfied my sweet tooth. I got home & checked the drink's nutrition content. 582 calories a drink. YIKES. But it was OK. I still had almost a 1000 calorie-deficit for the day even with the drinks. And I let my brother eat the cheesecake.
2) Mom's home cooking: I figured Sunday would be a light day, but then found out mom was cooking meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and beans. I just cannot pass up her cooking, so to compensate, I hit the treadmill on what is usually my rest day. I made sure to stay within my calorie and carb limits, and it was delicious! I'm taking today & making it my exercise "rest" day this week.
So this week is just continuing the routine. New challenge this week: I created a workout plan for the treadmill, swimming, and resistance training that I'm going to try to follow, so here's hoping I can stick to it.
Calories: 1500-1800
Treadmill
30 mins 5 days
Week of 7/12: 5.5 incline, 2-2.5mph intervals (T,W,Th,F,Sun)
Swimming
2 hours 1 day
Week of 7/12: 35 laps, 12 freestyle,12 backstroke,11 paddleboard
Resistance Training
Situps (l,m,r)
Push-ups (floor,wall)
Leg Lifts (f,b,s,both)
Lunges
Chair pull-ups
20 mins 2 days
Week of 7/12: 2 sets 10
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Stronger
Last Thursday I took the day off from work. We had planned on doing a family excursion to a nearby park, but my stepson ending up staying at his mom's house. Instead, I convinced my husband to do a hike with me.
Thursday's hike was at Cedars of Lebanon State Park. We started out around 9am, all gung-ho for the 5-mile trail. It turned out to be a cooler day, with a high of 85 or so. The trail was supposed to be easy, and for the most part, it was. But there were bits of trail that were overgrown. I wished I would've had a machete to chop my way through. The last mile of the trail was also severly rocky, which in my opinion changes it from an "easy" to "easy-medium" trail.
But we finished it. 5 miles in about 3 hours (add a 1/2 hour for breaks). I know that seems slow, but for my fat & short butt, that's pretty good.
We saw a few meadows; therefore, we took a break to frolic in them :)
What's even better is how I felt when it was done compared to last year's hikes. Tired, but not exhausted. My knees and legs weren't sore & shaky. The only thing that hurt was the bottom of my feet, which was due to the ragtag sneakers I was wearing. I was sweating a bit, but it wasn't pouring off of me.
After Thursday's hike, I had to break down & buy new shoes. The white ones are my work/everyday shoes, the gray ones are specifically for workouts & hikes.
Even after only 3 1/2 weeks of exercising, it's amazing how much stronger I am. I'm a little more confident on the trail when stepping over limbs & onto rocky parts. I can go a lot longer without having to stop to rest. My legs don't feel like they're going to give out on me. And I wasn't as sore the next day as I thought I would be.
The stronger feeling is a good feeling. It drives me to want to feel even stronger, to get even less tired during those hikes, to finish in less time, to work on longer & more difficult hikes.
Monday, I took advantage of an extra holiday and went back with the hubby to Cedars of Lebanon. This time we did a 2-mile and a .5 mile trail. The temps were a lot higher, and after a tough weekend of hiking and swimming, we called 2.5 miles good enough for the day. But I know I could've done more.
Sadly, the hikes may have to be put on hold until Sept. or Oct., due to the insane temperatures & humidity we're dealing with in TN. Or if we do them, they will be more along the lines of 2 to 2.5-mile trails.
But I think I'm OK with that. If I'm feeling strong now, wait until September.
Me & my trusty Wonderstick, who makes sure my clumsy butt doesn't fall or twist my ankle.
Thursday's hike was at Cedars of Lebanon State Park. We started out around 9am, all gung-ho for the 5-mile trail. It turned out to be a cooler day, with a high of 85 or so. The trail was supposed to be easy, and for the most part, it was. But there were bits of trail that were overgrown. I wished I would've had a machete to chop my way through. The last mile of the trail was also severly rocky, which in my opinion changes it from an "easy" to "easy-medium" trail.
But we finished it. 5 miles in about 3 hours (add a 1/2 hour for breaks). I know that seems slow, but for my fat & short butt, that's pretty good.
We saw a few meadows; therefore, we took a break to frolic in them :)
What's even better is how I felt when it was done compared to last year's hikes. Tired, but not exhausted. My knees and legs weren't sore & shaky. The only thing that hurt was the bottom of my feet, which was due to the ragtag sneakers I was wearing. I was sweating a bit, but it wasn't pouring off of me.
After Thursday's hike, I had to break down & buy new shoes. The white ones are my work/everyday shoes, the gray ones are specifically for workouts & hikes.
Even after only 3 1/2 weeks of exercising, it's amazing how much stronger I am. I'm a little more confident on the trail when stepping over limbs & onto rocky parts. I can go a lot longer without having to stop to rest. My legs don't feel like they're going to give out on me. And I wasn't as sore the next day as I thought I would be.
The stronger feeling is a good feeling. It drives me to want to feel even stronger, to get even less tired during those hikes, to finish in less time, to work on longer & more difficult hikes.
Monday, I took advantage of an extra holiday and went back with the hubby to Cedars of Lebanon. This time we did a 2-mile and a .5 mile trail. The temps were a lot higher, and after a tough weekend of hiking and swimming, we called 2.5 miles good enough for the day. But I know I could've done more.
Sadly, the hikes may have to be put on hold until Sept. or Oct., due to the insane temperatures & humidity we're dealing with in TN. Or if we do them, they will be more along the lines of 2 to 2.5-mile trails.
But I think I'm OK with that. If I'm feeling strong now, wait until September.
Me & my trusty Wonderstick, who makes sure my clumsy butt doesn't fall or twist my ankle.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Weekly Weigh-In & Thoughts
I was weighing myself on Fridays. But this past Friday, I had a visit from my, ahem, "Aunt". And when that happens, I blow up like the Hindenberg. So to keep from depressing myself once a month, I moved my weigh-in to Mondays
I also bought a new scale. The old dial scale had a tendency to bounce around & it was hard to get an accurate weight. The new scale is digital. No bells or whistles like body fat %, but since I'm on a budget, I'll take what I can get.
The downside to the new scale? The weight on the scale runs about 3lbs higher than the dial scale. Which means it's probably more accurate, because that was about the difference at my doctor's office.
So I have to readjust my starting & current weights.
Started: 253lbs (6/10/2010)
Current: 241.5lbs (7/5/2010)
Lost: 11.5 lbs
I'm not too bummed about this. That still means a 1.5lb loss this week, even with the evil old Aunt Flo visiting. That's still small compared to my previous 2 weeks of consecutive 5lb losses, but I've heard others refer to that big early drop as the "honeymoon" period. Well, the honeymoon is apparently over. But as long as I can stick with a 1.5 to 2lb average weekly loss, I can meet my long term goals.
I met with Dr. B, my OBGYN, last week to go over the results of my bloodwork. Yes, I am insulin resistant (very much so), but I'm not diabetic (yay). The other piece of the puzzle is my testosterone levels, which are through the roof. Since I'm a woman, that's definitely a problem (thank you PCOS!). So Dr. B is trying me on a "monophasic" set of BC pills called Sprintec, which should help regulate my hormone levels more than the "triphasic" pills I was on. In fact, the triphasic pills can cause elevated testosterone levels. Since I was taking those for 10 YEARS, I can kind of begin to see why I've had so many hormone issues over the years.
This is a great lesson for women of any age: if you are having weird hormone issues or irregular periods, please go see an OBGYN instead of your regular doctor & demand that they check to make sure it's nothing out of the ordinary. And if you don't like their response, get a second opinion. It is not always just "irregular periods, here's some BC pills to fix that".
Maggie: Hey Momma, I can pee on the scale for you if you like. Just to teach it a lesson.
I also bought a new scale. The old dial scale had a tendency to bounce around & it was hard to get an accurate weight. The new scale is digital. No bells or whistles like body fat %, but since I'm on a budget, I'll take what I can get.
The downside to the new scale? The weight on the scale runs about 3lbs higher than the dial scale. Which means it's probably more accurate, because that was about the difference at my doctor's office.
So I have to readjust my starting & current weights.
Started: 253lbs (6/10/2010)
Current: 241.5lbs (7/5/2010)
Lost: 11.5 lbs
I'm not too bummed about this. That still means a 1.5lb loss this week, even with the evil old Aunt Flo visiting. That's still small compared to my previous 2 weeks of consecutive 5lb losses, but I've heard others refer to that big early drop as the "honeymoon" period. Well, the honeymoon is apparently over. But as long as I can stick with a 1.5 to 2lb average weekly loss, I can meet my long term goals.
I met with Dr. B, my OBGYN, last week to go over the results of my bloodwork. Yes, I am insulin resistant (very much so), but I'm not diabetic (yay). The other piece of the puzzle is my testosterone levels, which are through the roof. Since I'm a woman, that's definitely a problem (thank you PCOS!). So Dr. B is trying me on a "monophasic" set of BC pills called Sprintec, which should help regulate my hormone levels more than the "triphasic" pills I was on. In fact, the triphasic pills can cause elevated testosterone levels. Since I was taking those for 10 YEARS, I can kind of begin to see why I've had so many hormone issues over the years.
This is a great lesson for women of any age: if you are having weird hormone issues or irregular periods, please go see an OBGYN instead of your regular doctor & demand that they check to make sure it's nothing out of the ordinary. And if you don't like their response, get a second opinion. It is not always just "irregular periods, here's some BC pills to fix that".
Maggie: Hey Momma, I can pee on the scale for you if you like. Just to teach it a lesson.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Food & Exercise Updates + Tools I'm Using
So this week was a great week for both exercise & food.
Big exercise moments to note: On Thursday, I did a 5-mile hike (I'll post more about this on Monday). And today, I did another 2 hour lap swim at the local Civic Center, but this time I counted laps and managed to do 32, which I think equals a mile. I also added in one day of the sit-up/push-up strength exercises. I will probably try to do 2 days next week, then move it to 3 days before I start upping sets.
Big food moments to note: My calorie range dipped a bit this week, with one day even being around 1350. My goal range is 1500-1800, which has so far been successful, so I don't want to go too low with all of the exercise I am doing. I at least try to make my workout days my big calorie days and my rest days on the smaller end of the scale. I've managed to stay close to my goal ratio of 50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat.
I'm moving my weigh-ins to Mondays. One Friday a month is going to cause problems for me in terms of my "aunt" coming to visit, so weighing on Mondays instead should keep the weight from fluctuating as much during that week. I'll also post measurements that day too.
I'm using a variety of tools to help with the weight loss. I've been using the free version of Fitday for about 3 weeks now. It's very simple & easy to use, but the exercise choices can be aggravating, especially when you can't add a custom exercise like you can custom foods. Sugar is not tracked. But there is a great database of foods to use if you can't enter custom nutrition. And the forums are awesome & very supportive (though the moderators are nowhere to be seen).
I've tried SparkPeople.com, but their exercise calculator can be aggravating as well. And there are a lot more options & reports with this site, but too many reports just frustrates me and are hard to keep track of. I like the calorie range they provide, and the ability to group custom foods & favorites. For now, I think I'll stick with Fitday.
I've also got a measuring tape and a digital scale. And a treadmill (which I was very lucky to get for free from a family member). I've got some workout tapes somewhere I need to dig up. The Civic Center pool (and fitness center) is about 20 mins away. And we are hiking at local state parks, which have some decent trails.
That's pretty much it.
Monday
20 mins TM, 5-7% incline, 1.5 - 2mph
10 mins stretch
2 20min walks at work
Work Break: Shooting baskets for 20 mins
Food Calories: 1511
Tuesday
30 mins TM, 5-7% incline, 2 - 2.5mph
10 mins stretch
2 20min walks at work
2 sets of 10 (sit-ups,push-ups,wall push-ups,leg lifts,lunges,chair push-ups)
Food Calories: 1705
Wednesday
20 mins TM, 5-7% incline, 2 - 2.5mph
10 mins stretch
2 20min walks at work
Food Calories: 1485
Thursday
3 hr, 5-mile hike, easy to moderate trail
10 mins stretch
Food Calories: 1816
Friday
1 20min walk at work
Food Calories: 1354
Saturday
2 hr, 1 mile lap swim, easy to moderate
Food Calories: 1766
Sunday
Rest day?
Big exercise moments to note: On Thursday, I did a 5-mile hike (I'll post more about this on Monday). And today, I did another 2 hour lap swim at the local Civic Center, but this time I counted laps and managed to do 32, which I think equals a mile. I also added in one day of the sit-up/push-up strength exercises. I will probably try to do 2 days next week, then move it to 3 days before I start upping sets.
Big food moments to note: My calorie range dipped a bit this week, with one day even being around 1350. My goal range is 1500-1800, which has so far been successful, so I don't want to go too low with all of the exercise I am doing. I at least try to make my workout days my big calorie days and my rest days on the smaller end of the scale. I've managed to stay close to my goal ratio of 50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat.
I'm moving my weigh-ins to Mondays. One Friday a month is going to cause problems for me in terms of my "aunt" coming to visit, so weighing on Mondays instead should keep the weight from fluctuating as much during that week. I'll also post measurements that day too.
I'm using a variety of tools to help with the weight loss. I've been using the free version of Fitday for about 3 weeks now. It's very simple & easy to use, but the exercise choices can be aggravating, especially when you can't add a custom exercise like you can custom foods. Sugar is not tracked. But there is a great database of foods to use if you can't enter custom nutrition. And the forums are awesome & very supportive (though the moderators are nowhere to be seen).
I've tried SparkPeople.com, but their exercise calculator can be aggravating as well. And there are a lot more options & reports with this site, but too many reports just frustrates me and are hard to keep track of. I like the calorie range they provide, and the ability to group custom foods & favorites. For now, I think I'll stick with Fitday.
I've also got a measuring tape and a digital scale. And a treadmill (which I was very lucky to get for free from a family member). I've got some workout tapes somewhere I need to dig up. The Civic Center pool (and fitness center) is about 20 mins away. And we are hiking at local state parks, which have some decent trails.
That's pretty much it.
Monday
20 mins TM, 5-7% incline, 1.5 - 2mph
10 mins stretch
2 20min walks at work
Work Break: Shooting baskets for 20 mins
Food Calories: 1511
Tuesday
30 mins TM, 5-7% incline, 2 - 2.5mph
10 mins stretch
2 20min walks at work
2 sets of 10 (sit-ups,push-ups,wall push-ups,leg lifts,lunges,chair push-ups)
Food Calories: 1705
Wednesday
20 mins TM, 5-7% incline, 2 - 2.5mph
10 mins stretch
2 20min walks at work
Food Calories: 1485
Thursday
3 hr, 5-mile hike, easy to moderate trail
10 mins stretch
Food Calories: 1816
Friday
1 20min walk at work
Food Calories: 1354
Saturday
2 hr, 1 mile lap swim, easy to moderate
Food Calories: 1766
Sunday
Rest day?
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